Is this advert effective? - please advise

[diamond yacht]

I am running a full page advert in a retail jewellery trade magazine next month and the deadline for copy is Monday.

It is to advertise an internet directory for jewellers and I would appreciate some feedback on the copy as to how effective it may be.

There is a little bit of imagination needed here as I can't show the full advert but it goes something like this:

Full page image of a partial shot of a yacht at the top and the rest of the page is water showing the reflection of the mast and a nice sunset.

The copy reads:

The Internet - Are you using the most powerful marketing medium on the planet?

The Diamond Yacht Club
*FREE* basic directory entry(with enhanced listing option)
Classified Advertising and prominent banner placements.
*FREE* Competition hosting to raise awareness of your company.
Locate a supplier or manufacturer.

As part of your internet marketing strategy why not join the
*FREE* online jewellery community forum
where you can start discussions on jewellery trends, find
answers to technical issues or even just rant and rave about
anything that gets up your nose!! All posts carry a signature link
to your website which helps to increase the amount of links back to your website and so improve position in major search engines.

30% Discount on enhanced listings throughout
July and August 2006

The Diamond Yacht Club
Jewellers Directory and Resource
(web address)
------------------------------------------------

Regards,

Diamond Yacht

PS.

I'm not too sure if it is true about the signature link helping with search engines though.

[bumfluff]

Depends who you're aiming it at, I guess, but a couple of things stood out.

One is that you jump right in with "directory", "listings", "hosting" and things like that - not everyone knows internet stuff, so that could be a bit of a turn off.

Also, never use multiple exclamation marks if you want to be taken seriously. Likewise, don't put words in stars (*FREE*), it looks tacky.

My opinion would be to be less detailed and techy. Don't sell your service, sell how it benefits your client.

[diamond yacht]

Thanks Bumfluff,

I've made a couple of changes - still working on it though.
---------------------------------------------------------

The Internet - Are you using the most powerful marketing medium on the planet?

The Diamond Yacht Club

Free basic directory entry(with enhanced listing option to receive huge additional benefit at low cost)

Classified Advertising and prominent banner placements.

Free Competition hosting to raise awareness of your company.

Locate a supplier or manufacturer.

Visit us for a chance to win a fabulous Givenchy Chronograph gents watch and to submit your free listing.

As part of your internet marketing strategy why not join the
free online jewellery community forum
where you can start discussions on jewellery trends, find
answers to technical issues or even just rant and rave about
anything that gets up your nose!! All posts carry a signature link
to your website which helps to increase the amount of links back to your website and so improve position in major search engines.

30% Discount on enhanced listings throughout
July and August 2006

The Diamond Yacht Club
Jewellers Directory and Resource
(Telephone number)
(web address)
--------------------------------------

Regards,

Diamond Yacht

[MaxForce]

Just an idea, how about something like "a more targetted customer base?"
2c

[Brian Turner]

IMO, it may make better sense to substantiate how these "benefits" with relate to your client target.

But I'd echo bumfluff's point about the terminology you're using - reminds me of a lead I lost with SEO services in my early days, after I kept talking about rankings. The director turned round, told me that was all really interesting, but at the end of the day, all he wanted to know is how much he'd make from it, and what it would cost to do it. I don't see that sort of cost/benefit idea projecting from the ad.

Just my 2c, though.

Also, bet 2c you've forgotten to set up tracking for ad response?

[bumfluff]

People who read the ad will want to know two things - who are you, and how can you help them.

So far, the first question is unanswered (except for one line right at the end), and the second isn't clear enough to non-techies.

One more point :

All posts carry a signature link
to your website which helps to increase the amount of links back to your website and so improve position in major search engines.

In my opinion, it's a bad idea to say that. It's inviting people to the forum for the sole purpose of getting links for themselves, rather than actually getting involved.

[diamond yacht]

Thank you everybody for your help - I think this has to be the final revision now. This is how I've interpreted all your suggestions.
---------------------------------------------

The Internet - Are you using the most powerful marketing medium on the planet?

The Diamond Yacht Club
Online Jewellers Directory and Resource

Free basic directory entry(with enhanced listing option to receive huge additional benefit at low cost and leads from a more targetted customer base.)

Classified Advertising and prominent banner placements.

Free Competition hosting to raise awareness of your company.

Locate a supplier or manufacturer.

Visit us for a chance to win a fabulous Givenchy Chronograph gents watch and to submit your free listing.

Communicate with fellow traders by joining the free online jewellery community forum where you can start discussions on jewellery trends, find answers to technical issues on casting techniques, seek advice about jewellery appraisal or even just rant and rave about anything that gets up your nose!

30% Discount on enhanced listings throughout
July and August 2006

The Diamond Yacht Club
(Telephone number)
(web address)
____________________________________-

Probably not perfect I know, but I'm quite pleased at how it looks when it's all laid out with the image.

Brian - is it possible to track a magazine advert any more than just counting how many enquiries we get from it over the next month?

Regards,

Diamond Yacht

[garyk]

One word; Headline! Every advert, every sales letter, every story hooks readers/prospects by one and one thing only, a compelling headline. I would forget any fancy graphics or what is known as 'instituitional' advertising where most of the space is taken up with the companys name or some fancy logo - Waste of time and space! I wouldnt ask a closed question in your headline, "The Internet - Are you using the most powerful marketing medium on the planet?" I would read that, say Yes! and then just move on! You need to be putting out something more like 'Revealed! Discover how to make the most powerful marketing medium on the planet work for YOUR business.'

As for tracking response most direct marketers use codes to differentiate different campaigns/ads which are either quoted over the phone or used as part of the address for mail responses. There is more of a manual element to tracking direct mail as opposed to web stuff but it is very easy to carry out,and more importantly *should* be done to test the effectiveness of the ad and the conversion ratio.

Gary

Gary

[Brian Turner]

IMO you may find it works better not to detail the directory listing, banner, competition issues - and simply lump it all under free online advertising opportunties and benefits. 2c.

As for tracking - you can use a 0845 number specifically for the campaign only, and have either a specific webpage or even a different domain advertised in the ads, which is only recommended via the ad.

[sharpendtraining]

Originally Posted by garyk

One word; Headline! Every advert, every sales letter, every story hooks readers/prospects by one and one thing only, a compelling headline. I would forget any fancy graphics or what is known as 'instituitional' advertising where most of the space is taken up with the companys name or some fancy logo - Waste of time and space! I wouldnt ask a closed question in your headline, "The Internet - Are you using the most powerful marketing medium on the planet?" I would read that, say Yes! and then just move on!

Gary

Gary

I would agree - Be careful asking questions - you might not get the answer you want.

(Gary - this is Paul Gorman right ?)