Governmentium

[Brian Turner]

New heaviest element discovered! Governmentium!

A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of what is believed to be the heaviest (and densest) chemical element yet known to science.

The new element has been named Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no electrons, it is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium caused one reaction to take more than 4 days to complete when it would normally take one second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 4 years; however, it does not decay, but instead undergoes multiple reorganizations in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons, assistant deputy neutrons, and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

[pete]

:d

[bumfluff]

"held together by forces called morons"

lol, brilliant...